This blog is my journey. Its going to be raw, honest and transparent. Its not going to start out pretty, and for once in my life I am not going to hide behind a fake smile and a "positive attitude", submerging myself in my career and shutting down my heart in denial rage and fear - because THAT'S NOT REAL- THATS NOT TRUTH.... and that's not healthy!

Its going to be a long journey- and one in which I am just beginning- so buckle-up buttercup.... there will not be a quick or easy answer or end to this story-and I am just going to post in journal format as it pours out of my heart... It is not going to start out very encouraging....in fact it may seem hopeless and bitter in the beginning - but it is going to be very real and I pray if you choose to journey with me that in spite of the volatile emotions that emerge...that you will still cling with me in love to the hope that WE WILL one day emerge on the other side stronger and having found freedom in love, acceptance, unity and peace.

I pray that as my transparent journey unfolds before you that you will see not just the pain and bitterness- but the beauty and strength and love that I hope, pray and believe can emerge out of such emptiness and brokenhearted darkness that only those facing the same can possibly understand. I pray that as I expose this deepest of pain, that you will journey with me, and that together we can find Joy and Peace and Purpose again....because I believe in the Giver of all Good Things- and I believe His love will never fail me- and His strength will somehow guide me and get me thru this dessert....

I am not a counselor or a therapist, I am just an ordinary woman and there may be things in this journey that I say that may not be helpful, may even be offensive to some, but I will not waiver from this path and seek only to be real and honest and leave it in Gods hands to do with what He wills.... I pray for anyone reading this that God would provide grace filled and loving personal support in their lives and I encourage any woman going thru this to seek that support and if none can be found around them- that they would know there is no shame if they need to reach out to a pastor, counselor or therapist for help.

I will make no apologies for my faith- because for me without it life truly has no meaning..... and even if I falter and doubt in my day by day and sometimes breath by breath overwhelming battle with despair and pain.....even if doubts and rage emerge... I believe that My God will never leave me or forsake me....
Because I am His- and I am broken- but in His eyes I am beautiful, and LOVED beyond measure.....

I pray that it does not turn you from this page... but that even if you do not share my beliefs that you still find strength and comfort in knowing that you are not alone and that women all over the world understand your pain and your battle.

I will also share poems and articles that I come across that express honest truths and I am hoping to be able to share your comments and stories ( with your permission) as they come in so that you will feel the strength and love that comes thru when we all reach out in unity, understanding, and love.

If you wish to follow me on this path please click to the "MY JOURNEY" Page at the top of this and you will find it all laid out as it occurs...